im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
