I think my fart just growled at me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
