my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
