i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
