she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
