Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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