i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
