Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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