fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
