T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
