dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
