I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize