It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
