plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
