So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
In America we eat man semen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
