OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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