i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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