im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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