i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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