Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
