i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
