My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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