Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
