he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
