I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
