ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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