if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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