I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
