Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
