why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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