therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
