if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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