If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
