Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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