I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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