youre lurking in front of me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
