If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
