Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
