Im at strip club and am horny
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
