he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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