I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
