Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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