About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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