I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
