Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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