The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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