Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
