why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
