I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
