my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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