Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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