Will you blow on my dice?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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