Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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