OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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