There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
