Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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