Having a random hookup so left but love u
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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