doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
