The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
