Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
