i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
