I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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