I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
