then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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