I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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