booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
