matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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