yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
