You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
