I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
