At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
