I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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