Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
