At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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