Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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