Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
