Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
