she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
